The Tan of Anger

What happens when you wake up with the same ol’ same ol’ raving and ranting of motherhood, the silent but subconsciously concerned silence of fatherhood and no appetite for the otherwise very appetizing Sunday morning breakfast? It leads to a tan.

So u see my arm…its double shaded…a patch of skin with such a straight line splits the uniformity of my arm – its such a funny sight – as if it belongs to two different mannequins and is clubbed together by mistake! This is a result of going for an hour long drive in anger in the very strong sunlight of my hometown – the sun rays that are hardly blocked by pollution or smog, clouds or fog – it’s a clear day…sunny and warm…bordering at hot even – and I, so sick of my mother’s constant pestering on the issue of marriage and the love interest I had and which led to nowhere, chose to bathe after waking up with another range of arguments and in an attempt to dodge more such accusations, took the very manageable beige Maruti which is my only means to peace and distraction, and left home.

So many thoughts, so little time…so many cars, so little space. Now Shimla has narrow roads that snakes itself around the hillsides – sometimes being comfortably inviting, sometimes betraying that sharp bend where a truck comes zooming in like nobody’s business. Nevertheless, I go on… I still hate to reverse… and I don’t like to take anything but U –turns to return to some place…but these are the hills with the never ending valleys on one side and the intimidating towering mound on the other – and yet I keep driving… take a round of the whole town…watch some guys on roads and some male drivers give me the dirts (of but ofcourse – it’s a small sexist town and there are not many lady drivers you see)!! ‘Blinking Lights’ by The Eels run in my head – I was listening to them just before I took off…

“Blinking lights on the airplane wings up above the trees
Blinking down a morse code signal specially for me
In a rainbow, in the sky, in the middle of the night
But the signal’s coming through
One day I will be all right again…

Blinking lights on the highway cars
Stopping one by one
Get a look at the accident
Didn’t see that one coming

And the doctor in the sky
Going to bring his chopper down
Going to bring me out alive
Set me on the ground once more again

Blinking lights on the airplane wings up above the trees…..”



With the song replaying in my head again and again…I keep the tyres rolling… “But the signal’s coming through …One day I will be all right again…” …the sun shines and streams stealthily in my car…on my right arm… I don’t notice… I only wince once in a while trying to hush it away when it tries to creep into my eyes… and I keep manoeuvring the steering wheel with the course of my thoughts… it all seems to be in tandem…there is harmony in the world again.
Until I reach home and park the car...glance and my ‘ebony and ivory’ endorsing arm and rush in to rub it with the old and reliable recipe of lemon, besan and haldi… but well, the hour has baked it enough… I now have the tan of anger and an inability to wear short sleeves for atleast a week! But tomorrow the drive will happen again – and the tan of anger shall be shielded by sunscreen!