Living with Lizzy

Does a lizard think? I have an ugly little lizard that looks like a miniature dinosaur, if not uglier, living in my room – at night it likes to roam around the floor – I am now petrified of walking around without my slippers lest I step onto it - not because I don’t want to kill it but because the thought of a lizard coming in contact with any part of my body – especially my pedicured feet, makes me squirm and send that uneasy feeling down my neck - you know the kind when you feel water trickle down your spine! Eeeeeeks!!

So I have been watching this lizard just explore the walls of my room and sometimes the ceiling too – and I wonder what that damned creature must be thinking. I call it Lizzy now. I might as well have a name for something that has been sharing my room with me for the past one month. I’ve tried chasing it away – it just comes back… and because its so tiny, creepy and slimy, it just comes back from anywhere goddammit!

What must go on in the mind of Lizzy? Whether he likes the cream shade of paint of my walls? Or which house guest of mine should he petrify next by its visual presence? Or whether the switchboard is warm enough for it to go sit on it and warm its hideous arse on a cold rainy evening?

What does Lizzy eat? Fly poop? Fly kids? Yucky Lizzy has no taste.
Where does Lizzy sleep? Below my bed? Over my head? Lizzy go away, make haste!
How does Lizzy screw? Does he stay on top? Lizard sex seems so boring, so chaste.
Why does Lizzy live? Why inhabit my room? And make it look like such a waste!


Dirty dirty Lizzy! He is a dirty ol’ lizard. He is tiny with a curious little head that stays raised for some odd reason – I haven’t been near it enough to analyse the shade and texture of his unsightly skin – I’m sure it must have little beady eyes – snoopy poopy seedy beady eyes of a villain!

Egg shells don’t drive him away. I am going to try peacock feathers next. He doesn’t do any harm so to say, its just that his mere presence is disturbing and is driving me up the wall (up the wall….haha!). But seriously, any lizard who manages to make me write about it AND christen it – must be destroyed!!! But how? I prithee tell me…how? Must I commit bloody murder? But I can't… and not because I don’t want to…but because the thought of being close enough to kill it is killing me!

What should I do of dirty Lizzy? Lizzy is a plague that has taken over my walls. Lizzy is a creature who is a descendant of the evil dinosaurs. Lizzy is a laid back lizard that roves around my room. Lizzy is a curse to make me think about what a lizard must think? Or does a Lizard think? I don’t know. Go ahead, think about it. And tell me if you can think of anything.

P.S: Lizzy the Lizard is up for adoption. Roomie anyone?