Writer’s Block

I am suffering from a writer’s block. And that’s why instead of letting a thought compel me towards the keyboard, I am trying to get the blank screen compel some thoughts out of my head. And still – no feelings, no statements, nothing even remotely profound or for that matter flippantly shallow even. I don’t remember the last time I had a writer’s block – words usually trickle out of my head very easily and seamlessly.

I remember the last time I was writing regularly was the time I was hurt and terribly let down by someone. It was anger that made me write – anger and vehement questioning. And this time, when that someone very easily washed his hands off the entire affair, nothing is coming to me – no passion that makes me write in fury, no feelings that I have to necessarily manifest through words. That’s why I am even more surprised at my writer’s block.

Sometimes random thoughts do come to me – I mean, yes I still “think” and all that – I haven’t been mentally retarded so to say – but they are so fleeting and momentary that I either don’t want to pen them down or don’t think its worth the effort. Or do I not think anymore that what happens to me in my personal life, worth the effort to be recorded?... I don’t know – I am feeling terribly blank right now and don’t even know what my next sentence is going to be.
Ah yes – I remember the last time I drew and analogy of sorts – between my hair and his feelings. Its rather simple – there was a phase in my undergrad days when for some strange inexplicable reason, my otherwise curly hair had suddenly turned poker straight – ideally I should have been delighted – I think initially I was too, but in a while I started to miss my curly hair. Come season change and it went back to their curled state – and the straight phase was over. Now I own a hair straightener – I wish I had straight hair, I try sometimes to tame the mop of curls I usually wake up with – cute nevertheless, but unruly and unsatisfactory. And now I think of the straight hair phase and wonder why I wanted my curls back to badly that I tried atleast 10 different shampoos to restore it to its natural state. Its simple human psychology at the end of the day, isn’t it? We always want what is difficult to get – straight hair that came for a month wasn’t appreciated and rather cursed while I had it, and now that it is gone, I possess an artificial hair straightener – and sometimes think about the guest appearance of the straight hair that was.

Is he like that too? Want something once its gone? Appreciate the one who’s not easily his? And why just him – I think of my straight hair tale – I think I am like that too – we are all humans, and we are terribly stupid at times – take for granted what is there – not know the importance of it until its gone – its like water, I didn’t realise how much we take it for granted until one night there wasn’t a drop to drink at home and we had to sleep thirsty.

Have you realised that the most indispensable thing is what we take for granted the most? – air, water, food, home, family, best friend? And what if one of these go – how difficult or impossible is mere survival? Its problematic, isn’t it?...that the one we need the most is the one we don’t appreciate at all – unless its gone ofcourse. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? But why do we have to wait till the absence takes place anyway – why don’t we realise the importance of that person/thing/support when its right there – how stupid are we as human beings? How retarded is human psychology?

I learnt my lesson once. I don’t think I want to learn it again – I don’t like to take for granted anything – I want to feel every moment, every instance, every element that makes me the person I am and appreciate it while its here. But I also want to record all of that – every sentiment, realisation, appreciation – and how do I do that now…now that I have a writer’s block?